I Want To Hold Your Hand
by Franklet
Summary: Lily Evans was the first Muggleborn Head Girl in the history of Hogwarts. She always knew it would be a hard year, but with the help of one James Potter, Head Boy, can she make it through unscathed? Lily/James
1. I'll Tell You Something

_Monday September 5, 1977_

_Lily carefully avoided looking at the corner of the room where the Slytherin prefects were whispering rather loudly about her. Them she could handle. What had shocked and hurt her deeply was that Umbert Underton, a 6th year Ravenclaw that Lily had considered herself on good terms with, and Bernadette Wallace from Hufflepuff, were also sitting in that same corner, sniggering at Acacia Bodes insults._

_"We only need to discuss one last thing," Lily announced, shuffling her paper around on the desk ignoring the laughter, "and then we can all leave. We need to talk about patrol partners. Traditionally, members from each House have patrolled together, but in the spirit of inter-house unity, the Head Boy and I thought - and Professor Dumbledore agrees - that we should have members from different houses patrol with each other." This got everyone's attention. The prefects exchanged shocked glances and a low buzz of voices began. "We've made up a preliminary roster," Lily ploughed forward, ignoring the hostile glares she was receiving from the Slytherin corner, "and if you'd like to pass it around and raise any issues with dates or partners, please do so now." _

_"'He's from Gryffindor' or any of that rubbish won't be accepted as an excuse either." James added, giving the Slytherins a dark glare. "Unless I think it's a good enough excuse, you're stuck with who we've assigned you." _

_There were grumbling and lots of eye rolls as the parchment was sent around the room but to Lily's intense relief no complaints. When James had, to her surprise, proposed this idea at their last Heads Meeting, Lily had envisioned a riot, followed by a mass lynching and then a victory party over her dead body. She caught James' eye and smiled, letting her relief that their plan had worked show. James gave her a smug grin in return and cocked his eyebrow in a gesture that clearly said 'I told you so.'_

_"Is this a joke?" _

_Lily looked over to see Mulciber clutching the parchment in his fist, one eyebrow raised. _

_"I'm sorry?" She asked cooly, steeling herself for confrontation._

_"I said," Mulciber repeated, as if he was speaking to a child, "is this a joke? Your name is next to mine." _

_Her stomach clenched as the room fell quiet. "That's right." Her voice shook with fury. She knew exactly why he was doing this. "Since we're in different houses, we'll be paired together." _

_Mulciber looked at her and then at the parchment. "No. I don't want to spend any more time with you than necessary." _

_Lily arched both eyebrows. "Believe me Mulciber, the feeling is mutual, but unfortunately we all need to take our lumps and act like adults." She turned to face the rest of the room. " If that's the only complaint -" _

_"That's where you're wrong." Lily broke off and glared at Mulciber, who was now standing to his feet. She saw James standing from the corner of her eye. "For you, it doesn't matter. The only side affect of spending a prolonged amount of time with _me_ is that you might learn some civility." Lily's mouth dropped open. "I, however, will not subject myself to being around filth like you. I won't risk my blood purity being tainted by your filthy blood. A Mudblood as Head Girl!" Mulciber appealed to the now silent prefects. "This is further proof that Lord Voldemort is right - the wizarding world certainly is decaying if we can allow scum like _her_ and her kind to be in positions of authority in this school. _She _shouldn't even be allowed into Hogwarts, let alone be Head Girl! You don't need an education to know your rightful place. We need to fight for our culture and everything that it stands for and not let these ignorant, subversive idiots destroy us!" _

_The room exploded into noise. Chairs were thrown back as students leapt to their feet to shout and wave arms, wands were drawn and Lily even saw Davy Gudgeons punch a 5th year Slytherin in the eye. In the middle of this stood Mulciber, calm and smug, watching Lily with a sneer. Lily stared at him, unable to comprehend the sheer amount of hate in his expression. _

_"IF YOU TWATS DON'T SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO HEX YOU ALL!" _

_Everyone froze as James, now standing on top of a table with his voice magically magnified, glared down at them all. No one doubted for a second that the Head Boy would do exactly as threatened. When they all grudgingly sat back down, James leapt off the desk, keeping a careful eye on the four Slytherins and the growing number of prefects joining them. "If you lot want to believe that - "After a quick glance at Lily he continued. "- that _rubbish _that Voldemort is spreading, then bully for you. You're allowed to be as stupid was you want, school rules don't allow me to dock points for that." A group of students at the back of the room started to protest but twin glares from Lily and James quietened them down instantly. "But if I ever hear you calling Evans - or any Muggleborn student - a Mu - a you know what - again, I will go straight to Professor Dumbledore. You all know his stance on 'blood purity'." He gave them one last warning glare before pointing his wand at the door. "Prefects who are due to patrol tomorrow, I'll meet you here ten minutes before. Now clear off."_

_Lily watched mutely as the prefects filed out of the room. A few of them smiled at her but most ignored her or scowled at didn't wait to be completely out of ear shot before the muttering started again. Mulciber and Acacia Bode smirked at her as they slipped past and Lily struggled to not whip out her wand and curse them within inches of their lives._

_She started gathering her notes to distract herself, hoping that James would leave without saying anything. She didn't think she could handle any sympathy right now. She had never expected that being Head Girl would be easy. As soon as she had received the owl with her badge she had done some research. There had never been a Mugggleborn Head Girl at Hogwarts. In fact, until 20 years ago there hadn't even been a half blood prefect. To be the first Muggleborn Head Girl in Hogwarts would have been a trial even during the best of times, let alone during a war lead by a man who wanted to eradicate witches and wizards like her. She wasn't delusional enough to believe that the first Prefects meeting of the year would go well, but she had hoped..._

_To her relief, James started towards the door without sparing her a glance. Just when she thought she was in the clear, he paused in the doorway. "Evans. I know you can take care of yourself, but if you ever need any...if Mulciber and those bastards..." He paused and took a breath. "You don't need to do this on your own. I'll back you up. I won't let them hurt you."_

_He disappeared out into the corridor without making eye contact and Lily gazed at the empty doorframe, surprised to find that she believed him. _

* * *

November 10, 1977

Lily read the note once more before scrunching it into a tight little ball.

"Right." She said, breathing slowly and evenly. "Right." Maybe if she said 'right' enough the urge to cry would disappear and she could instead get on with the important business of doing something constructive about the blasted thing. Her eyes fell to the offending piece of parchment and she felt tears well up in her eyes. "Right."

She set off at a brisk walk. Saying 'right' repeatedly was doing nothing to stop the tears, so she would have to try a different course of action. She would go for a walk, Lily told herself, and make a list of things she could do. Professor Dumbledore had made her Head Girl for a reason, she reassured herself, and one of those reasons was her ability to be calm and proactive in the face of disaster. If her path somehow lead her towards the Quidditch Pitch, where the Head Boy would no doubt be practicing for the upcoming match, then it was merely a coincidence. Her mind had not first immediately thought 'Ask James for help, he'll know what to do.' Not at all.

She left the warmth of the castle and set out across the grounds towards the Quidditch Pitch, shoving the note deep into her cloak pocket. It would all be ok she chanted to herself, James will know what to do. If the thought occurred to her that, in this situation, it would make much more sense to go to Professor Dumbledore, she never acknowledged it. James would know what to do. He promised.

She was about to enter the Quidditch Pitch when a muffled shout caught her attention. Spinning on her heel, she quickly made her way around towards the back of the stadium, eyes narrowing. The sounds of scuffling and cursing became louder and Lily sighed. Duelling. Some idiots were duelling behind the Quidditch Pitch. She rounded the corner with her wand drawn and her standard "Right you lot, put the wands down and step away from each other, you know this is against the rules" trailed off.

Four burly Slytherins duelled a furious looking James Potter. Despite the stacked odds, James seemed to be holding his own and he shot a nasty looking hex at one of the Slytherins before leaping out of the way of a well aimed jinx.

Lily watched this all expressionlessly, feeling a dull rage begin from the pit of her stomach. "Expelliarmus!" She aimed her wand at the largest of the boys, watching with satisfaction as his wand soared towards her.

One of the other Slytherins noticed the Head Girl and pointed his wand at her face. "Defodio!"

"Protego." Lily shouted hastily, watching with frustration as the wand that had almost landed neatly in her hand hit the shield and fell to the ground. The Slytherin who had cast the curse grinned and pointed his wand towards her again. Lily narrowed her eyes and thought '_Petrificus Totalus', _watching smugly as he froze and toppled over. She had always been fab at non verbal spells.

She turned towards the rest of the boys and froze as the tip of a wand jabbed her forehead. "On no," Mulciber grinned, eyes glittering with hatred, "you aren't going to get away so easily, little Mudblood."

Lily's grip tightened on her wand as her mind raced. Before she had a chance to even blink Mulciber's eyes widened and he toppled forward onto her, revealing a furious James Potter. Lily caught him with an 'ooof' of surprise and quickly pushed him off her, eyeing the unconscious boy with distaste.

James strode towards her, grabbing her arm roughly. "What are you doing?" he hissed, dragging her away from the incapacitated Slytherins. "Are you trying to get yourself hurt?"

"What am I doing?" Lily wrenched her arm out of his grasp and glared. "What are _you_ doing, leaving your _enemies _behind you, armed and able to fight back?" She turned back and waved her wand towards the four boys. Ropes appeared, binding their wrists and ankles together. Lily turned back to James, arms folded. "What happened?"

"Nothing." James answered sullenly.

Lily scoffed. "Oh my mistake, of course nothing happened. That's why I found you duelling four Slytherins twice your size."

"Shut it, Lily."

"I will not shut it!" Her voice rose with indignation. "You're Head Boy! You of all people should know better than to be duelling on school grounds! Tell me what happened."

James glared at her silently, mouth set in a tight line. The two Gryffindors stared at each other until Lily let out a huff of annoyance.

"I don't have time for this." She muttered, fingering the crumpled ball of parchment in her pocket. "I can't deal with this right now. You're Head Boy, James. I thought…" She trailed off, remembering how she had been so sure he would be able to help her with her problem, how he would be able to make everything ok. She sighed. "I thought you'd changed. I thought you'd finally grown up and had decided to be responsible for once, but instead I find you out here duelling like an imbecile. What would your parents think, seeing you acting like this? You said they were so proud of you when you made Head Boy. You said they hoped this meant you'd decided to take your schooling seriously but you haven't, have you? They certainly wouldn't be proud of you if they could see you now." Lily paused, hoping to have goaded the boy into a reaction. He simply looked at her, face carefully void of expression. Frustration welled up in her, fast and hot, and she felt tears sting her eyes again. This was too much. "I thought," she said a tad shrilly, "that you would be able to help me with this," she threw the ball of parchment at James' feet, "but clearly you're too busy."

She turned on her heel and began to storm off but stopped. "20 points from Slytherin." She gave the four boys a dark glare. "Each, for duelling." She cast a quick glance at James, still standing where she'd left him, fists clenched. "And 20 points from Gryffindor."

She left James standing behind the Quidditch Pitch, disappointment heavy in her stomach. She just couldn't work out if she was disappointed in James or herself.

* * *

"What did you say to James?"

Lily looked up in surprise as Sirius slammed his hands on the table in front of her. "Pardon?"

Sirius scowled at her. "I said, what did you say to James?"

"Well, I've said a lot of things to James," Lily answered coolly, tapping her quill against her cheek. "I've said; 'Hello James, how are you today?', 'James, we have a Prefects meeting today at 7pm, don't forget,' I think I've even said 'pass the orange juice please.' at breakfast once, does that answer your question?"

"Don't try to be cute, Evans." Sirius snapped, "You said something to him today and I want to know what it is."

Lily leant back in her chair and crossed her arms. "Why?"

"Why? Because he's disappeared. He only ever disappears when _you_ say something nasty to him. So." Sirius leaned forward, eyes boring into hers. "What. Did. You. Say. To. Him?"

Lily swallowed, intimidated though she'd never admit out loud. Instead, she leaned forward till their noses were almost touching. "None. Of. Your. Business."

Sirius straightened with a sound of disgust and glared at her. "You are pathetic, Evans. I don't know what he sees in you. You don't care about anyone but yourself, do you?"

"That's not true!" Lily retorted, offended. "You don't know me at all Black."

"I only call it as I see it." Sirius snapped back. "You fly around on your broomstick, thinking you're so much better than all of us, looking down your nose at all us lesser beings who actually like to have fun once in a while. You constantly put James down when all he wants to do is be mates with you. He actually cares about you, for reasons I can't fathom, and all you can do is be an utter bitch to him. Well, maybe he won't stand up for himself, but I won't stand by and watch you rip my best mate to shreds. If you can't lower yourself to be friends with him, at least have the decency to leave him alone."

"I can't leave him alone," Lily was surprised to hear her voice wavering, "when we're Heads together. We need to spend a certain amount of time together -"

"When you spend this 'certain amount of time together'," Sirius interrupted with a sneer "did you ever think to ask him _why_ he had been so down lately?"

Lily blinked. His sudden change of subject threw her completely. "I - I didn't even - I didn't notice - why would I ask him if he was down if I didn't know?"

"Exactly." Sirius gave her a look of deepest disdain. "You didn't notice that James hasn't been himself. You didn't notice and didn't think to ask and now you've gone and said something to him that's pushed him over the edge."

"I…" Lily floundered for a response, any response, but was unable to think clearly when Sirius was glaring at her with so much disgust.

"Forget it. You're not worth it. Something I've been trying to convince James of for years." He left as quickly as he came, pushing past a group of startled first years.

Lily watched him go, tears welling up in her eyes. She dashed them away angrily, glaring at the two girls who were watching her from the corner of their eyes. They started whispering, glancing in her direction and giggling. Fighting the urge to leap up and hex them silly, Lily instead pulled her textbook closer towards her, hoping to distract herself with her essay. The words blurred and she spent a fruitless five minutes trying to read the same sentence over and over again before slamming the book shut. Was Black right? Was she a heartless bitch who flew around silently judging everyone? She rubbed her temples and bit back a groan.

"So, what did he say to you?" Remus demanded as he slid into the seat across from Lily.

She jumped and stared at the sandy haired boy, his question so similar to Sirius' it caused a lump in her throat. Instead of scowling at her, however, Remus was giving her a sympathetic smile. Lily exhaled and smiled tiredly. "He told me I was a pathetic, heartless bitch who was ripping James to shreds and I was the reason he was off sulking."

Remus sat back with a low whistle. "Right. Well that seems a little harsh."

"A little." Lily agreed with a humourless laugh. "Shouldn't you be with Black? You know, leading the charge of the man hunt for Potter? Goodness forbid he go missing for a night. We all know how the world can't turn without James around."

Remus frowned a little. "James will be all right, he just needs some time to himself. Sirius doesn't understand that, he's never…well you know. Been through this before."

"Been through what?" Lily was confused. Sirius had never been told off by a girl before? That certainly wasn't true.

Remus stared at her. "You don't know?"

"Know what?" Lily was now started to get annoyed. "Why do all Potter's friends assume I know what's wrong with him? He doesn't _confide _in me."

"His Dad died, Lily." She sat back in her chair, speechless. "You really didn't know?" She shook her head. Remus looked as surprised as she felt. "I thought everyone knew, it was in the paper; he's a prominent Ministry wizard."

"I stopped reading it after they started publishing all that anti-Muggleborn rubbish." Lily explained eyes wide with shock. His Dad _died_? And she hadn't known? "Was he -" she hesitated. "Was he killed by…?"

"No." Remus shook his head and Lily let out a sigh of relief. "No, he was just old and Mrs. Potter had died a few months earlier…"

"His _Mum_ died too?" Lily exclaimed, feeling more and more terrible by the second. Both his parents had died and she had no clue. How was it that she could know that Hilary Higgleton's pet hamster had been eaten by her younger brother's cat three weeks ago but she had no idea that her class mate and fellow Head had lost both his parents? "I…I mean…I had no idea!" She looked at Remus beseechingly. "Honestly Remus, I didn't know, had I known I…" wouldn't have been such a heartless bitch to him, Lily thought with disgust.

"It's all right," Remus soothed, patting her hand. "You weren't to know."

Lily subsided into silence, chewing on her lip anxiously. Remus, tactful as always, pulled one of her textbooks towards him and pretended to read it, turning the pages at appropriate intervals. Lily's mind raced, her heart heavy with guilt. She thought over the past few months, remembering every nasty comment she had thrown James' way, every snide remark and every eye roll with a stab of guilt. No wonder Sirius thinks so little of me, she thought miserably. I'm so wrapped up in my own world I didn't even notice James was in mourning for his parents. She knew he was an only child - had in fact, made plenty of quips about him being a spoiled, pampered monster- and she couldn't imagine how alone he felt in the world right now. And what had she done? Instead of offering him comfort and a few kind words, maybe offering to take over his Head duties until he felt up to continuing with them, she had yelled at him and told him his parents would be ashamed of him.

She stood abruptly and started gathering her things. "I'm going to bed." She shouldered her book bag and disappeared into the dorms before a startled Remus could get a word out.

* * *

Lily didn't see James all of the next day. This could, of course, be a direct result of her hiding out in her bed. Her friends had all tried unsuccessfully to cajole her into enjoying a rare day of sunshine on a beautiful Sunday, but Lily ignored them all. She instead spent her day trying to take her mind off James by doing her homework. She was partly successful in that she got all her homework done, but was unable to keep her mind from constantly drifting towards James and more specifically the empty look in his eyes the last time she had yelled at him. Or the way he'd been subdued of late. Or the way he rarely told any jokes in class or cheeked any of the Professors. She had come to the conclusion that she was, in fact, a heartless bitch, because any normal person would have noticed these things earlier and asked about them.

"Still having your pity party I see." Alice closed the dorm door with her foot and made her way over to Lily's bed. "Here," she deposited a plate of food on the bedside table. "I brought you dinner."

Lily gave Alice a grateful smile and started shovelling the warm food into her mouth. "Thank you, Alice," she said around her mouthful of peas and carrots, "this is delicious."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh, I almost forgot." Alice flicked a pea at Lily's face, grinning when she glared at her. "James is downstairs looking for you."

Lily choked on a piece of steak. Alice leapt to her feet with a snort of laughter and started banging on her back. "Merlin, Alice!" Lily gasped after she'd managed to swallow the offending piece of meat. "You can't spring that kind of information on a girl like that!"

"I'm sorry," Alice said slowly, looking at Lily like she was mad, "I hadn't realised that James looking for you was such an issue." Lily glared at her mate and deliberately took a drink of her water to avoid answering the unspoken question. "I suppose that's the reason you've been hiding up here all day." Lily took another sip. Alice sighed. "You should go down and talk to him. He looks rather upset."

Lily's face fell. "He does?"

Alice nodded, watching Lily closely. "Mm-hm. He's been looking for you all day. He and Sirius had a huge row; we could hear it from the Common Room this morning. It was about you." Lily tried to look nonchalant and failed miserably. "James said that it wasn't Sirius' job to fight his battles for him and Sirius said that he had no choice when James refused to fight the battle at all. Then there was something about Sirius being a bastard to you and Sirius called you some uh…rather unpleasant names and James told him to shut up and mind his own business. They cast a Silencing Charm after that and then not long after Sirius came storming down the stairs and we haven't seen him since."

"Oh." Lily squeaked, feeling, if possible, even guiltier than before.

"What happened?"

"I didn't know that his parents had passed." Lily began, staring at her plate. "I said some awful things to him that, in light of that revelation, were really quite uncalled for and…well Sirius found out and told me off for it."

"Oh, Lily." Alice let out a great sigh and gazed at her disapprovingly. "Did you really not know about his parents?"

"Yes! I feel absolutely dreadful about it; I was just so caught up in my own problems that I never noticed James had been acting strangely. Sirius, he said…he said that I fly around on my broomstick and look down on everyone and…that James only wants to be mates and I'm a cow in return and…and that I'm pathetic and heartless." A tear trickled down her cheek and she wiped it away angrily. "I'm afraid he's right." She said this in a whisper.

Alice scooted over and wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder. "Don't be daft, Lily Evans; Sirius is a tosser. He doesn't know you at all. You're not at all pathetic and if you really were heartless, would you be up here crying because you felt so bad for what happened?" Lily shook her head and sniffed. "Besides," Alice added with a cheeky smile, "James definitely does not want to be _mates_ with you. Sirius is out of his mind if he believes that."

Lily looked up, startled. "What do you mean?" She tried to stop herself from blushing but figured she must have failed with Alice's eyes twinkled with mischief. "He does want to be mates, doesn't he?"

Alice sniggered. "I think he wants to be a little more than _mates _with you, if you get my drift." She nudged Lily with her elbow and Lily swatted her, trying to hide her grin. "Chin up, girl." Alice said in scarily accurate imitation of Lily's Mum. "You'll just have to apologise to James for being a right insensitive prat and it will all work out. Now," Alice looked around the dorm with distaste, "you've been up here doing homework for hours; it's enough to drive anyone barmy. How about I pop downstairs and grab a deck of cards? We can play Exploding Snap till our eyebrows are singed off."

"But what about James?"

Alice waved her hand airily behind her as she skipped towards the door. "He can wait till tomorrow, he won't pine away. Be back in a mo."

Lily fell backwards onto her bed with a sigh.

* * *

James was sprawled out on a couch near the fire, seemingly oblivious to the glares he was getting from a group of boys who clearly wanted the same couch. Alice brushed past him on the way to the bookshelf, smiling when he moved his arm from off his face and squinted at her.

"S'not coming down then?"

Alice heaved a dramatic sigh. "No, she's managed to convince herself that you hate her and she really is pathetic and heartless." James scowled at this. "But I've talked her into apologising to you tomorrow, so all is well."

"Bloody Sirius." James muttered, arm falling back over his eyes. "He always sticks his nose in where it doesn't belong."

"Hmm. Don't be too mad at him though. She needed to hear what he said."

His arm was instantly whipped off his face and she received a furious glare. "She's not heartless!"

"Oh, I know that." Alice assured him, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "Just a little unobservant though, our Lily is."

James snorted. "Yeah, just a little." He paused. "And she doesn't think she's better than everyone else either."

"She has high standards."

"She holds herself to those high standards too." James countered, glaring at her as if daring her to disagree.

Alice laughed. "Listen James, you don't have to convince _me _that Lily is a great person. Maybe just Sirius." They shared a smile. "Don't worry too much." Alice patted his shoulder. "But I now must continue my quest to find a deck of cards. Lily and I are going to play Exploding Snap till we singe off our eyebrows." James laughed at this and shooed her away.

After she had managed to intimidate a group of firsties into giving up their deck of cards, Alice made her way back over to James. "James." She waited until craned his neck to peer up at her. "How are you holding up anyway?"

He held her gaze for a few moments before looking away. "As well as can be expected. I miss them."

Alice squeezed his shoulder, smiling at him when he met her eyes. "It'll get better. I know it seems like it won't, but it does."

James narrowed his eyes before nodding. "I forgot." It was all that needed to be said in explanation.

Alice shrugged. "It's been almost a year now. I just wanted you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone who's gone through the same thing…I'm always here for you." She waggled her eyebrows at him. "Just because you're chasing after my best mate doesn't mean we can't be friends."

James let out a snort of laughter. "Thanks Alice. You better go distract Lily before she manages to convince herself that the world would be better off without her or some other rubbish."

She gave his shoulder one last squeeze before disappearing up the staircase.

* * *

Lily tried not to look too nervous as she made her way towards the breakfast tables, book bag heavy on her shoulder. She forced a smile onto her face and slid onto the bench next to Alice, who had conveniently sat next to the Marauders. Remus and Peter smiled at her, but Sirius, she noticed with some unease, scowled into his porridge. James studiously avoided looking at her, choosing instead to start up a loud conversation with Peter about the differences between animate to inanimate and inanimate to animate transfiguration.

She shot Alice an accusing glare. _You promised he wouldn't be mad at me!_

Alice shrugged and started to butter a slice of toast. "Glad to see your eyebrows grew back."

There was a pause in the conversation and what sounded suspiciously like a choked back laugh.

"Glad to see yours _didn't_." Lily glared at Alice and poured herself a glass of orange juice. She caught Remus' eye and bit back a smile. He hid his grin behind the Daily Prophet.

They continued to eat breakfast in an awkward silence, broken only by James and Peter's debate, which had deteriorated rather quickly into name calling. Lily finished her eggs as quickly as she could and stood, making a show of checking her watch. "Well, I'm off to class then." She shouldered her book bag. "I'll see you lot later."

She hadn't been sitting at her desk long before Alice slid in next to her. Lily turned on her instantly. "You said he wasn't cross with me!"

"No."Alice said calmly while taking out her textbook. "I said he didn't hate you." She rummaged around in her bag before asking; "Have you got any spare quills, I can't find mine."

"Oh I've got a spare quill for you." Lily muttered.

"Do you then?" Alice exclaimed brightly, ignoring Lily's glares. "Brill, can I have it?"

Lily shoved her quill into her mates hand and crossed her arms. "You look ridiculous without any eyebrows by the way."

"You look ridiculous with eyebrows, so I guess we're even." Alice laughed at the outraged expression on Lily's face. "Come on Lil. Surely you weren't expecting him to pretend nothing happened before you even apologised?" Lily kept quiet because that was exactly what she had been expecting. Alice snorted. "You are still going to apologise, yes?"

Lily mumbled something under her breath and suddenly found her Transfiguration text book very interesting.

Alice laughed and met James' eye as he came into the classroom behind his mates. She rolled her eyes and James grinned before taking his seat behind them. She turned to tell Lily she was being silly but Professor McGonagall swept into the room before she had a chance.

After they had been told to continue with their NEWT revision schedule given out last week, Alice took to prodding Lily with her borrowed quill and whispering "Do it, do it, do it, do it."

"Alice!" Lily exploded after she'd been jabbed a little too hard and had accidently set her parchment on fire when she'd jumped. "Will you stop that?"

"Miss Prewett." McGonagall was suddenly at their desk, frowning down at them. "Do I want to know why you are missing a pair of eyebrows?" She eyed Lily suspiciously.

"I just thought it was time for a change Professor!" Alice answered cheerfully. "Eyebrows are rather overrated, don't you think?"

"I've never really thought about Miss Prewett. Perhaps you can ask Miss Evans here to Conjure you a new pair?"

An evil gleam appeared in Lily's eyes and Alice laughed nervously. "Oh no Professor, I'm quite happy without my eyebrows."

"I see." McGonagall pursed her lips. "I trust your lack of eyebrows hasn't affected your magical ability? I expect to see a perfectly Conjured turtle the next time I come around."

"Yes Professor." Alice murmured, kicking a sniggering Lily under the desk. "When you are going to apologise to James?" She demanded.

Lily subsided into silence and poked moodily at her parchment.

* * *

She finally screwed up the courage to face James after dinner. She had noticed him slip out of the Common Room alone and, after a hastily made excuse to Alice, followed him quickly.

"James!" She shouted when she spotted him loping down the corridors towards the kitchens. "James, wait up."

James stopped, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Lily."

Lily wondered if he was greeting the stone wall, because he certainly hadn't looked at her when he said this. "James. I…how are you?"

James gave her an incredulous stare. "How do you think I am?"

Lily spluttered for a bit before blushing. "Ok, daft question. Look…I'm really sorry! I didn't know that your parents had…well that they were…and if I had known I never would have said those awful things to you and…I'm sorry." She finished lamely, her carefully rehearsed apology flying right out of her head. She carefully studied her shoes. "I really am sorry. Your parents would be proud of you. I'm sure they were proud of you. And…you have changed. And I am heartless and a right cow and…"

James' hand fell onto her shoulder and squeezed it gently. Lily took a deep breath and met his eyes, smiling hesitantly. James' eyes twinkled at her behind his glasses. "You are forgiven. You're just lucky that mumbled apology was so endearing." Lily's smile widened with relief and she pretended to wipe the sweat off her forehead. James laughed and shook his head. "How about some delicious chocolate pudding, courtesy of the Hogwarts kitchens? We can talk more while I feed my eternally empty stomach."

"Lead the way." Lily exclaimed, happy that she had managed to apologise to James successfully.

Twenty minutes later Lily found herself laughing so hard she was finding it difficult to breathe, a bowl of the most delicious chocolate pudding she'd ever had sitting in front of her. "You did not!"

"I did!" James assured her, gesturing wildly with his spoon. "My dear mother gave me two choices for a pet - a _goldfish_ - " this was said with deep disgust, "or a toad. Well, as a young boy of seven, of course I chose the toad. They can be rather vicious you know."

Lily giggled. "I'll bet there are loads of toad related deaths in Britain each year."

"More than you're aware of." James replied solemnly. "Some of them are poisonous you know and they hop rather fast. Once a toad has decided to mark you, it's near impossible to escape. It wasn't until I bought Super Fantastic Fearsome Harold The Toad of Doom back home -"

"I'm sorry, _what?_" Lily interrupted, spoon of pudding halfway to her mouth.

"Super Fantastic Fearsome Harold the Toad of Doom. It was my toad's name." James said this as if it was a perfectly normal name for a toad. "Harry for short of course."

"Of course." Lily murmured, smiling.

"Right, well now that we've gotten that interruption out of the way." He gave Lily a pointed look and she grinned. "Once I bought Harry back home, we found out my Dad has an intense fear of toads." Lily gaped at James. "Yes, I know, it's a bit embarrassing. My Father, renowned Auror, terrified of toads. I only got to keep him for half the day before Dad couldn't handle the fear anymore and got rid of him. I was terribly upset of course and mourned Harry for years afterwards. I never wanted another pet; they wouldn't be able to replace the hole in my life after Harry. It wasn't until I left for Hogwarts that I got another pet and it was an owl, so I could write home every week…" James trailed off and frowned thoughtfully as something occurred to him.

Lily snorted. "Yes. I doubt your father really had an intense fear of toads James. I think you've been hoodwinked."

James' eyes widened. "I can't believe it! I can't believe that they concocted that harebrained scheme just to get me to _not _want a pet!" He paused, and then said with a cheeky grin. "I'm so proud of them."

Lily burst into laughter. "It must be where you get your penchant for mischief making. They sound brilliant James, I wish I'd had the chance to meet them."

James' smile faded and he suddenly looked very serious. "I really wanted for you to meet them. They would have loved you."

Lily felt herself begin to blush and forced herself to stop. It was nothing, she told herself sternly, I'm sure he wanted loads of people to meet his parents. Her mouth, though, had other ideas and said the last thing her brain wanted it to. "Alice said you don't want to be mates with me. She said that you want to be more than mates." Lily clapped her hand over her mouth and closed her eyes in horror. She had _not _just said that.

James was silent for so long she was beginning to wonder if he'd just gotten up and left her there. "She's right." Lily's eyes flew open. A red tinge was starting to creep up his neck but he met her startled gaze steadily. "But I'd rather be mates with you than not be mates, so until you're willing to be more than mates, I'm happy with just mates." He paused and mouthed what he just said to make sure it made sense. Lily giggled despite herself. "So until you take pity on my poor crushed heart," James said cheerfully, standing up and dusting off his pants, "we'll just pretend that I want to be nothing more than mates." He winked at her and held out his hand. She placed her hand in his instantly and he hauled her up. "Oof! Too much chocolate pudding for you."

Lily rolled her eyes and elbowed James in the side. "Shut it Potter."

* * *

**A/N: **You guys! Hello! It's been so long...a few people left very lovely reviews on my stories and I started re-reading this one and I thought...it's not actually that bad...I think I could finish this...

So this is, as you can tell, not a new chapter. I decided I'd re-edit the chapters - not very much has been done to it - and start afresh with chapter four. I'm very excited to finally finish this, though it might be a bit of a wait for chapter four, as I'm scrapping everything I had written!

Do you think you can forgive me? Chapter Two REMIX should be up tomorrow :)


	2. I Think You'll Understand

_Thursday September 1st, 1977_

_Lily took a deep breath and checked her robes over one last time. Finding nothing amiss, she decided she was as ready as she was ever going to be and slid open the compartment door, hoping she didn't look as nervous as she felt._

_James Potter, sitting with his head in his hands, leapt to his feet as soon as she entered and stood awkwardly before her. "Evans - Lily - that is, I mean…hello." He finished with a sheepish grin and scratched the back of his neck. "Have a good hols?" _

_She blinked and sighed. She hadn't really believed that James Potter had been Head Boy right until this moment, despite the Hogwarts letter telling her, the gloating owl from Alice and the various owls from Sirius Black, all of which had explained to her in excruciating detail how exactly James was _not _going to influenced by her prissiness and his new title. _

_"Potter." She said with a nod. _

_James' face fell slightly at her frosty tone. "I know that this isn't, well, that this probably isn't the ideal situation for you." Lily snorted. That was an understatement. "And I expect you imagine that I won't be taking this position very seriously, but I wanted you to know that I am." Lily cocked an eyebrow in disbelief. "I mean," he added hastily, "I won't use the title to get my mates out of trouble and I won't slack off. I have no bloody idea what I'm supposed to do, but Moo - Remus said he'd help me out and…is Dumbledore off his rocker?" He exclaimed. "Me, James Potter, Head Boy? The only person in the _school _who has had more detentions than me is Sirius and that's only because I pin the blame on him most of the time." He looked so indignant that Lily couldn't stop herself from giggling. He brightened at the sound and dimpled at her. "I don't blame you if you don't trust me. I've pulled enough pranks on you over the years that I'm surprised you're not sweeping the compartment for traps." The only reason she wasn't was because James had accosted her before she'd had the chance to start. "But I swear, Wizards honour, that I'm going to try this year to...well. This is my last year at school and if I don't start to grow up now, when will I ever?" _

_Lily studied him carefully, mulling over everything he had just said. He had been a prat, there was no denying that. Ever since she had been made Prefect in 5th Year he had been a constant thorn in her side, the one person who was guaranteed to be yelled at least once a day for some form of rule breaking. He seemed to delight in finding new ways to frustrate and annoy her and she had thought for a few months that he was deliberately causing trouble when he knew she would find him. Last year, however, he had begun to mellow. After those notes she had received over the holidays, she really needed the support of the Head Boy and couldn't afford to be fighting with him all the time. Not to mention how earnest he looked right now, gazing at her with hopeful eyes. She couldn't resist. Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. _

_"If I ever regret this," she warned James with a small frown, "I'll hex you so badly you'll have tentacles in places you didn't even know existed." James gulped and nodded but grinned when Lily held out her hand. "I call truce. We'll agree to no more fighting, yelling, name calling or cursing, unless it's well deserved." _

_James nodded and shook her hand enthusiastically. "Great, perfect; you're a doll, Evans. I was really dreading being hexed by you all year." He grimaced. "I'm sorry."_

_Lily had to laugh. "Is this a pre-emptive apology for all the times you'll make me cross? Because really, Potter, you should have some faith in yourself." _

_"No. I'm sorry because I know how hard you worked for Head Girl. I didn't want to be the one to ruin it for you." _

_She could hardly believe those words had come out of his mouth. James Potter, being empathetic? James Potter, thinking about someone other than himself? It had to be a first. She eyed the boy before her speculatively, believing, for the first time, that he might actually be sincere when he said he wanted to grow up. She imagined spending her seventh year, her last year, at Hogwarts constantly battling the Head Boy and the constant state of frustration and irritation she would be in if that was the case. It was not appealing. The same small voice that made the constant unwelcome observations about how dishy James Potter was spoke up and reminded her that if they were on good terms this year, he might ask her out again. She made a decision then and there to start fresh with James Potter and try to forget whatever he had done to her in the past. If he was going to make an effort to change the least she could do was accept his decision at face value. Besides, if this was all some elaborate prank, she really would hex him into oblivion._

_"There's no need to apologise," she said with a cheeky grin, "I've already forgiven you." The look of relief on his face made her smile widen. She dropped into one of the seats and pulled out a quill and parchment from her pocket, patting the seat next to her. "Sit down, Potter. I'll take you over what we need to discuss with the Prefects so you don't look like a complete twit." _

_James fell into the seat next to her with a relieved sigh and a muttered thanks, searching his pocket for a piece of parchment. Lily watched him from the corner of her eye. This year might not be a total disaster after all. _

* * *

November 18, 1977

A very familiar looking crumpled piece of parchment landed in front of Lily Evans. She looked up and found James glaring at her, arms crossed over his chest. This, she thought with a sigh, could not be good. "All right?" She asked hopefully.

"How long have you been getting these for?" James demanded, ignoring her question.

Lily leaned back and gestured at the chair across from her. "You might as well sit down before Madame Pince sees you and kicks you out." James did as she suggested, still glaring. "Have you finished your Potions essay? I'm having a little trouble with finding..." She stopped as James' expression darkened. "Right. Since the summer hols."

"Lily!" James exploded, ignoring the dirty looks he received from a nearby group of boys. "Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"I won't take them seriously," Lily replied, jaw set stubbornly. "I refuse to be intimidated by Voldemort and his lunatic followers. I won't give up my badge, not because of some prats who think they're better than me because my parents can't do magic. I can handle the bullying, I can handle being picked on and I can certainly stand up for myself." Lily met James eyes. "I don't think I could handle how disappointed I'd be with myself if I backed down."

James looked as if he were about to strangle her. "Some prats who think...bullying! We're at -" He glanced around the library and noticed the eyes starting to watch them curiously and leaned forward, lowering his voice. "We're at war, Evans, this is more than some school yard bullying, you're getting death threats! You should have gone straight to the Headmaster."

Lily sat up straighter, hot fury beginning to stir. If she had known he would react like this, she would never have given him the note. "What if Professor Dumbledore took away my badge?"

"He wouldn't do that."

"How can you be so sure?" Lily demanded, the way he was so certain he was right making her blood boil. "How do you know that he wouldn't decide it's too dangerous for me to stay Head Girl and took it away for my safety?"

"Because that would completely undermine any statement he made by appointing you Head Girl in the first place."

"So I was only made Head Girl for the political statement it would make?" Lily said bitterly, starting to gather her books and parchment.

"What? No, Lily, that's not what I meant." James grabbed a hold of her hands and Lily's heart sped up. "You are a brilliant witch. You're clever, you're hard working, you're nice to everyone, you're dead funny and I wouldn't want to face the other end of that thing in a duel." James nodded towards her wand. "Even if you weren't a Muggleborn, Dumbledore would have made you Head Girl, but surely you can see what the Professor is trying to do here?"

"You're James Potter." Lily agreed with a sigh. She hadn't been in the Wizarding world long before learning exactly what that meant. There was a reason James had strutted around the school as if he owned it. "The sole heir to the Potter legacy. You're family is as Pureblood as they can come without being completely inbred." James snorted at this, eyes twinkling. "I understand the amount of influence your family has."

"And you're Lily Evans, a brilliant Muggleborn witch who, just by being the top of her classes and receiving all O's on her O.W.L's two years ago manages to prove Voldemort wrong about the worth of Muggleborns and Half Bloods. When we stand next to each other it's like we're spitting in Voldemort's face."

He seemed rather delighted by that image.

That was all true, but she didn't miss the smug spark in James' eyes when he saw the agreence in her eyes and her resolve hardened. She was not going to let herself be pushed around. She was not a delicate flower that needed someone to swoop in and rescue her.

"I'm still not going to Dumbledore about this." Lily told him stubbornly.

James swore and scowled. "Woman! You read the newspaper; you know what's happening out there. Felicia Ferntree was tortured and killed last week, along with her entire family, for making a public statement about Voldemort's policies. The Ministry did nothing about it. Bertie Hutchins left work two weeks ago and hasn't been seen since. He was a Muggleborn Ministry worker. The Ministry haven't even searched for him. He's not the first non-Pureblood wizard to disappear and he won't be the last. Voldemort has infiltrated the Ministry, he has his own people in there who are very vocal about their beliefs and they're not being fired or thrown into Azkaban because the Ministry can't touch them! They're too frightened for their families, their friends. His supporters are all very influential Pureblood families. If Voldemort hadn't tried to appoint himself Minister of Magic and overthrow the Ministry he probably could have had most of his policy changes made through the Wizengamot because secretly _most Pureblood families think he's got the right idea._" Lily stared at James in shock. "They won't admit it now, not when he's started a war against the Ministry and is trying to take over by force, but 10 years ago, when he first started spreading his rubbish? They all agreed. The Ministry will do _nothing_ if you're killed or tortured or just disappear and it's not because they don't want to. It's because they can't. _Please _go to Dumbledore."

"No!" Lily hissed and James sat back with a frustrated growl. "I can handle this on my own, I'm not afraid of them!"

"You _can't_ do this on your own Lily. You're one witch, and no matter how bloody brilliant you are you can't do everything by yourself. Stop being so bleeding _stubborn_ and let someone help you. Find someone you can trust to protect you and just..." He waved his hands in the air to indicate what exactly she should do.

"I went to you didn't I?" Lily snapped and then covered her mouth with her hands, gazing at James with wide eyes. She had not wanted to say that.

James' stared at Lily blankly. She could almost see the gears whirling away and, as comprehension dawned, he began to smile. The smug grin was made bearable by the fact that the tip of his ears were bright red.

"No need to look so pleased with yourself." Lily muttered, lowering her hands back to the table.

James instantly grabbed them again, grinning widely. His ears were still bright red, Lily noticed fondly and she bit back a smile. "Right." He tried to look stern, but the effect was ruined by his blush. "You let me know if anything - and I mean _anything _Evans - happens again, the instant it happens. None of this "I'm a girl and I don't need a man to save me" rubbish, yeah? We all know you're the one person I'm afraid of. Promise and I won't go to Dumbledore."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes, sir."

James beamed at her, clearly very pleased about her little slip up. "Who would have thought?" He teased, squeezing her hands gently. "The great Lily Evans, asking James Potter to be her knight in shining armour. I wouldn't have believed it myself if I hadn't heard it with my own two ears."

"Shove it, Potter." Lily kicked him under the table, gaining immense satisfaction when he winced.

"Is that the way you treat your Knight Protector? I thought I was supposed to receive favours and stolen kisses under the moonlight -" He laughed and dodged another well aimed kick from Lily. He stood, slinging his book bag over his shoulder. "I want to know the instant anything happens." He waited for Lily's reluctant nod before grinning. "Right, well as fun as this was, I must be off. I have to brush up on my jousting skills and Sir Cadogan is notorious for being impossible to find. Farewell, my sweet lady." With a jaunty wave and a tip of his fake hat James sauntered off, whistling.

After deciding that James Potter, while incredibly sweet and terribly sexy, was absolutely barmy, Lily pulled her Potions textbook towards her to finish the dreaded essay. She had only managed to pick up her quill when Alice slid into the seat across from her, grinning from ear to ear.

"You slaggy fiend!" Alice waggled her eyebrows at Lily. "I've never been so proud of you in my entire life."

From anyone else, this would have been insulting. Unfortunately, these kind of mad declarations were fairly usual from Alice Prewett and Lily knew from experience that running off would only postpone the awkward conversation to come. "What are you talking about, you mad woman?"

Alice rolled her eyes, still grinning. "Don't try to play innocent with me. I saw you and James holding hands and whispering sweet nothings into each others' ears. You seduced him in the kitchens the other night, didn't you? I knew you fancied him, I knew it!"

Before Alice could break out into a victory dance (an event which was far too likely for Lily's comfort. She had done it before in History of Magic when she had finally forced Lily into admitting she preferred strawberries over blackberries and that hadn't been the first time.) Lily whispered, "I do not fancy him! I've told you this before." The blush which she had been so adept at controlling while talking to James suddenly bloomed into existence and Alice's eyes lit up at the sight of it. "I don't!"

Her friend, however, had stopped listening to her and was bouncing around in her chair. "I've told the girls for _years_ that you've fancied the bloody pants off him and all the yelling was pent up sexual frustration. Oooh, I can't wait to tell them I was right!"

"I don't fancy him, Alice!" Lily couldn't blame her friend for the disbelieving expression on her face since she herself was beginning to doubt the truth of that statement.

"Then why were you holding hands? And why was he blushing? And why did he look so pleased, like you'd just...I dunno...declared your undying love for him and your desire to be the mother of his twelve children _which is all true, don't deny it!_"

"We were just talking, Alice." It sounded weak even to Lily's own ears.

Alice looked unconvinced. "You were talking about something that required hand holding and it _wasn't _a declaration of love?"

"It..." Lily hesitated. She should just tell Alice about the letters. It would clear up this misunderstanding and the many other potential misunderstandings that were likely to occur, but something was holding her back. She loved her friend, she really did. Alice was her best mate in all of Hogwarts, had been since the fateful day in First Year when she had taken pity on Lily and showed her how to use a quill in Charms. She had never not told Alice anything before...but...this felt different. This was different. Alice was likely to storm off in a protective rage and blast a hole through the Slytherin Common Room, which while sounding rather tempting, was not something Lily particularly wanted to happen. More than that, Alice would not be swayed by any of Lily's arguments. She would march straight up to Professor Dumbledore and blurt out the entire sordid affair within five minutes of being shown the letter. She already had one over protective, stubborn, impulsive Gryffindor determined to look after her, she definitely didn't want two. Still...she didn't want to lie to her best mate...

"Well?" Alice was tapping her foot impatiently against her chair. "What were you talking about?"

"His parents." Lily winced slightly and surreptitiously covered the ball of parchment with her textbook. "I did apologise to him earlier in the week but I still feel awful about the whole thing and I was asking how he was." Alice sat with a small "oh" of comprehension, looking slightly disappointed. Lily scratched her name out on the top of the parchment, unable to meet Alice' eyes. "He was just telling me to lay off with the mothering."

"I really am proud of you, you know?"

Lily wilted a little. The world was against her, she knew it. "Why?"

She risked a glance at Alice and saw that she was beaming at her. "You actually apologised. To James Potter. That's huge! And you're having normal conversations with him and...well, he really appreciates it. Since he's, you know, madly in love with you. "

Lily's stomach was heavy with guilt. Alice wouldn't be so proud of her if she knew what Lily wasn't telling her. "Oh erm...thanks." She gave her friend a weak smile and buried her nose in a textbook. "And he's not madly in love with me."

* * *

On Tuesday, her book bag split open.

On her way to lunch when it happened, Lily hastily repaired the rip while Mary and Patricia collected everything that had rolled out. "All fixed." Patricia said cheerfully as she handed Lily back the last quill.

"I have to admit, I'm rather relieved." Mary said with a cheeky grin. "It's about time one of Lily's Charms failed her. She was getting unbearably smug in class."

Mary and Patricia laughed but Lily's eyes widened, a spasm of fear making her shiver. Charms was her best subject; it just came easily to her. Ever since she had first used her wand to make a feather float above her head she had never failed a Charms spell. When she Charmed a bag to hold the weight of all her Charmed textbooks, her textbooks stayed feather light and her bag didn't rip. Someone had tampered with her bag. She glanced around her surreptitiously but the corridor, crowded only a moment ago, was mostly empty. There weren't any Slytherins about and she didn't recall seeing any earlier.

Lily stood abruptly and hurried down the corridor, Mary and Patricia following after a exchanging a startled glance.

"It's all right, Lils, it happens to all of us." Patricia said as she caught up with her friend.

Lily forced herself to smile. "It's nothing like that; I just remembered I'm late."

"For what?" Patricia demanded, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "It's lunch time."

"Well then I'm late for lunch." Lily snapped and lengthened her stride, leaving a bewildered Patricia and Mary behind. There wasn't a need to tell James about this, she thought with a stab of guilt, since it was most likely an accident. Besides, it was perfectly harmless, no real damage done. She would be fine.

On Wednesday, her ink bottle spilt while she was studying in the library.

"Oh, bother!" Lily cried in dismay, shoving the few notes that had escaped being ruined towards Alice in an effort to keep them that way.

Alice pulled her wand out of her bag and pointed it towards the shattered bottle. "Reparo." She then pointed at the growing puddle of ink. "Tergeo. Honestly, Lily, are you a witch or what?"

Lily flushed as she watched the ink siphon off her parchment and textbooks. "I always forget I can do that." She admitted sheepishly. "My first response is to panic and move everything out of the way."

Alice hummed in agreement and handed Lily her repaired, but now empty, ink bottle. "You'll need to buy some more ink when we go to Hogsmeade next."

"No need." Lily answered absently, frowning at the bottle. "I'll ask James to pick some up next time he sneaks out. Alice." Alice looked at Lily over the top of her Potion notes and raised an eyebrow. "Did you see me knock this over?"

"No. But I wasn't watching your every move, Lily, I'm sure you knocked it over when you moved some parchment."

"I suppose." Lily placed the bottle on the desk gently and frowned at it. It seemed odd that an ink bottle, perfectly safe being jostled around in her book bag all day, would shatter if knocked over onto piles of parchment. A small voice in the back of her mind told her that she should mention _this _to James, but it would be silly, really. What would she say? 'Hullo, Potter, my ink bottle spilt while I was studying, could you come protect me now?'. If anything else happened, she would tell him.

Thursday found Lily tripping over on the way to breakfast.

She blushed as her fellow early risers laughed and gratefully accepted Llewellyn Ligerton's offered hand. She thanked him after he'd hauled her up and began gathering a few rogue items that had rolled out of her bag. "I'm having an awfully unlucky week."

Llewellyn chuckled and handed her a thick textbook. "And I thought the Irish were supposed to be lucky"

Lily blinked and paused in stuffing the Potions text back into her bag. "I'm not Irish."

"Oh," Llewellyn floundered. "I thought with the hair and the eyes and the last name…"

"My grandfather moved from Ireland when he was 10," Lily explained, "but my dad always thought himself as British." She took pity on Llewellyn and smiled. "I do wish I was Irish this week though, I could use some of their infamous luck."

"I've got my Apparition License." Llewellyn told her. "I can sneak out of Hogwarts and apparate over to Blarney Castle if you're desperate."

Lily laughed, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "I think getting a vial of Felix Felicis would be simpler. Professor Slughorn adores me, I'm sure he'd be more than willing to give me a drop or two."

"That is true; I forgot you were a little teacher's pet." He winked and Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, I hope your luck picks up, Head Girl." Llewellyn saluted her and strode towards the Hufflepuff table. "I wouldn't want you to trip down a flight of stairs!"

"Thanks." Lily said dryly. She shook her head, smiling to herself, and managed to make it to the Gryffindor table without any further mishap. She sat down next to Alice and looked across the table to find James Potter scowling at her. "Good morning." She greeted him, nonplussed.

"You and Llewellyn were getting cosy."

Lily laughed. "Absolutely. If we hadn't been in the Great Hall I think we would've started snogging."

James' expression darkened and he turned his scowl on the unsuspecting Hufflepuff. "Really?"

Alice snorted into her orange juice.

"It was a joke, you prat." Lily threw a roll at his head. "He's going to apparate to Blarney Castle to bring back some luck for me."

"That's ridiculous." James scoffed, dodging the flying roll. "You can't apparate in or out of Hogwarts, everyone knows that. What a tosser."

Alice started to laugh.

"It was a joke you twit! Merlin, what side of the bed did you wake up on this morning?" Lily glared at James as she spooned some eggs onto her plate.

"Why is that important?" James asked, bewildered.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You are a very annoying person, James Potter." She pulled out her Potions notes and proceeded to eat her breakfast behind them, ignoring James' demands that she explain why which side of the bed he woke up on was important.

On Friday, her potion exploded.

One second Lily had been happily stirring her rapidly thickening Dreamless Sleep potion and the next she heard a yell and she found herself knocked to the ground.

The back of her head hit the stone floor with a crunch and she cried out, her breath forced out of her with an 'oof' as something heavy fell on top of her.

"Are you all right?" Sirius Black demanded. Lily, slightly dazed from the impact of the fall, found it hysterically funny that Sirius Black was asking her if she was ok after he tackled her to the floor. He looked alarmed when Lily's only response was to burst into laughter and scrambled off her.

The classroom had exploded into noise - concerned shouting and the sound of a chair being thrown back as James Potter leapt over his desk to get to Lily and cat calls and jeers from the Slytherins. Professor Slughorn was valiantly trying to restore order, but his calls for quiet and calm were going largely ignored.

"Lily!" James' face appeared and his hands slipped behind her back as he helped her sit up. "Are you all right? Does anything hurt? Are you bleeding anywhere?"

"Give her a chance to think, Prongs." Peter crouched next to her, watching apprehensively as Remus, a restraining hand on Sirius' shoulder, was rapidly muttering under his breath. Sirius was scowling so fiercely at Acacia Bode and Mulciber that it was a surprise they hadn't both keeled over. The pair of Slytherins did not seem concerned that Sirius Black was possibly about to murder them with his bare hands and were laughing, casting Lily smug looks.

"I'm fine." Lily probed the back of her head gingerly. It didn't seem to be bleeding, thank Merlin. She could feel a lump the size of an egg starting to form and her back felt like it had been grazed, but apart from that and the fact she was soaking wet, nothing seemed to be damaged.

James looked unconvinced but whatever he was about to say was lost when Sirius roared; "It was not an accident!"

The classroom, only moments ago buzzing with noise, fell silent. They watched as Sirius rounded on a startled Professor Slughorn, shrugging off Remus' hand.

Slughorn had been trying to usher the students back to their seats. He stood between a row of desks, normally jovial face quite stern. "Mr Black, I assure you that it's perfectly normal for witches or wizards to make a mistake and have their potions turn volatile, it happens more than you'd imagine."

"Evans has been top of this class since 1st year, sir, there's no chance she'd accidently put in hellespore instead of daisy roots. Any decent witch would know not to do that."

"Any decent _witch_." Acacia Bode murmured. Sirius did not miss the inflection and his face mottled red.

He pointed to the smirking group of Slytherins. "One of those bastards blew up Evan's cauldron!"

"Mr Black!" Slughorn's eyes widened in shock. "That is a very serious accusation to make. While I'm as loathe to admit that Lily might have made such a basic mistake as you are, unless you have evidence that another student sabotaged Lily's work, you'll need to take a seat and stop disrupting my class."

Lily watched this exchange with wide eyes. While touched that Black was taking an uncharacteristic interest in defending her, she was worried that he would draw James' attention to the fact that her cauldron exploding was highly suspicious. Though, she thought with a sideways glance at the boy, James would have to be completely daft to not think that her cauldron blowing up was highly suspicious and James was anything but stupid.

"He's not best pleased, is he?" Peter muttered to James, who snorted.

Please sit down, Lily silently begged, please. The Slytherins were delighted by this turn of events. Any trouble for Gryffindor was a cause for celebration. Mulciber caught Lily looking at him and winked.

"The evidence is right there!" Sirius shouted, ignoring Slughorn's requests. He gestured towards Lily blackened and still slightly smoking cauldron.

Slughorn started to look annoyed. "Why would someone want to blow up Lily's cauldron?"

"Because she's a Muggleborn," Sirius answered with a derisive snort. "She's twice as brilliant as they'll ever be and they can't stand it. You know, because they're Death Eaters."

There was a collective gasp from the room as Sirius said this and James closed his eyes in resignation. Peter rocked slightly on the balls of feet, licking his lips and watching James carefully for a signal of what to do next. Remus had the same idea as Lily - he was watching the Slytherins intently, scowling. They were whispering amongst themselves, casting dark looks towards Sirius, who was staring defiantly at a furious Slughorn.

"That's enough, Mr Black." Slughorn's voice quivered with anger. "There are no Death Eaters in Hogwarts, I can assure you -"

"ARE YOU AS DAFT AS YOU LOOK?" Sirius roared. "THERE ARE DEATH EATERS IN THIS SCHOOL AND THEY'RE ALL FROM YOUR HOUSE!"

"That is enough, Mr Black! Sit back down immediately before you get more than a detention." Lily had never seen the usually so cheerful Slughorn look so angry. The classroom watched in stunned silence as Sirius, glaring balefully at the smirking Slytherins and a pale Slughorn, made his way back to his desk. "See me after class." Sirius mock saluted the professor and slumped into his seat, scowling. "In fact, everyone, back to your seats please. The show is over, I'm sure Lily doesn't want to be gawked at, do you, dear?"

The seventh years slowly filtered back to their seats, whispering and casting sidelong looks at Sirius and Lily. Peter straightened and, after patting Lily clumsily on the shoulder, hurried over to join Sirius. Remus gave Lily a sympathetic smile before following Peter.

"Bloody sons of bludgers." James was clenching Lily's hand so tightly she felt her fingers would break. She winced and tried to tug her hand out of his grasp but he was too intent on glaring at Mulciber to notice. "I'll kill them."

After Slughorn chivvied his class back to their seats, he made his way towards Lily, still sitting on the ground, and James who had refused to move. "Now, now, Mr Potter," Slughorn attempted to sound cheerful, "back to your seat like everyone else, that's a good lad. I'm sure Lily's fine." James completely ignored him. "Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing, dear?"

Lily intended to insist she didn't until her attention was caught by Acacia Bode. She smirked and mouthed "Payback, little Mudblood." All of a sudden, it was too much for Lily. Her head was throbbing something fierce, her back ached, her hand felt like it had been crushed, her ruined potion smelt awful and she had the sinking feeling that she would start crying soon no matter where she was.

James took one look at her face and hauled her to her feet. "She does." James informed Slughorn firmly. "I'll take her up there now."

Lily gave Slughorn a weak smile and followed James out of the room.

* * *

Lily had been given a nasty tasting potion by Madame Pomfrey and strict instructions to come straight back if she noticed any thing out of the ordinary, especially when she started to feel sleepy. She had then made the mistake of telling James Potter to make sure her instructions were followed and Lily was thus subjected to James pestering her for the rest of the day. By the evening Lily was three seconds away from going mad and murdering James.

"Are you _sure _you're not sleepy?"

Lily had tried to escape from James by finding a quiet corner in the Common Room and burying herself in homework, but James had managed to overcome his traditional aversion to good honest work to insist on doing his work with her. He had only bothered to pull out a piece of parchment and quill, however, and had spent the rest of the time making his quill dance across the table. This, for some reason Lily couldn't identify, made her increasingly annoyed and she had spent several moments imaging shoving the quill in his eye.

"For the hundredth time, Potter, YES! Will you let me do my homework in peace?" James subsided into a startled silence, blissfully unaware that Lily was moments away from stabbing in him the eye.

There was a few moments of blessed quiet before; "Madame Pomfrey said you shouldn't exert yourself."

Lily took a deep breath and willed herself to be calm. "I'm not exerting myself, I'm doing my Transfiguration assignment."

"I did that assignment yesterday, for someone of your skill level it would be very exerting!"

Surely if she murdered him right now, Lily reasoned with herself, she wouldn't be sent to Azkaban. She was sure that if the Wizengamot witnessed the past two hours they would sympathise with her and award her with an Order of Merlin, 1st Class for ridding the world of a complete dither brain. James was watching her expectantly, eyes wide behind his glasses with innocence.

"I'm third in the class, Potter." Lily said through clenched teeth. "I'll manage."

He fell silent and Lily continued to rifle through her notes, hoping he'd just get the hint and leave. She paused to consider the wording of a sentence and James took this as an invitation to start talking again. "You're absolutely positive you're not sleepy? Not even a tiny little bit?"

Her eye twitched. "I'm not sleepy, Potter."

"What about any headaches? She said if you have any headaches you need to go straight back to the Hospital Wing for another potion."

"Potter! The only headache I have is from _you _harassing me all day! Can you please be quiet for five minutes?"

He managed to last four minutes and 49 seconds. "Do you feel -"

Lily whipped out her wand and pointed it at a very surprised James Potter's face. "If you asked me one more time if I have a headache, or if I'm sleepy, or _anything _about my health I will hex your mouth closed for the rest of your life."

James blinked and grinned innocently. "I was only going to ask if you'd like to tease Sirius about how he leapt across the room to knock you out of harm's way. It was very..." His mouth twitched. "Heroic of him."

Lily considered this for a moment before standing to her feet with an evil grin. "Let's go."

* * *

Sirius, who had never really forgiven Lily from their last row, was now refusing to speak to either James or Lily. She found that this didn't bother her all that much and was content to sit by the fire place and snigger while Sirius glared at them from his spot on the other side of the Common Room. He had endured their teasing for all of fifteen minutes before retreating, burying his head behind _Quidditch Through The Ages, _shooting sporadic glares in their direction.

"You two are gits." Remus, who moments ago had been with Sirius, sat down next to James. "Padfoot won't stop moaning about his traitorous best mate and his slaggy skirt." Remus gave Lily a stern look. "He claims you've got James wrapped around your "fiendish fingers" and are turning James against him." Remus paused. "He's overly fond of alliteration if you ask me."

Lily started sniggering. "Who would have thought? Sirius Black - saviour of damsels in distress and poet extraordinaire."

James joined Lily in her evil sniggering and, after a guilty look in Sirius' direction, Remus also laughed. "I'll tell you a secret, but only if you promise to mock Padfoot mercilessly for me. I owe him for charming that suit of armour to follow me around singing "You Transfigured My Heart" last week." Lily nodded eagerly and leaned towards Remus, James following suit. Sirius was watching them suspiciously. "It isn't poetry that Padfoot - Sirius - has a secret passion for. It's..." He paused for dramatic effect and, making sure that Sirius was straining to hear what they said, whispered, "...Muggle musical theatre."

He sat back with a smug smile as Lily and James burst into astonished laughter. "Muggle musical theatre?" James chortled. "How did I not know that before? This is priceless."

"I sprung him singing "Cool" from West Side Story." Remus gasped out between laughs.

This was more for Lily's benefit than James'. James, who had no idea what West Side Story was, looked confused, but Lily, who had been forced to watch Petunia perform in countless plays due to her participation in the local drama troupe, doubled over with laughter.

"It was perfect." Remus said with a dreamy expression on his face. "I teased him for weeks. He was prancing about the room, clicking his fingers and singing at the top of his lungs. I wish I'd taken a picture."

Lily, who had tears of mirth in her eyes, was getting alarmingly red in the face. "Black...singing...West Side Story...clicking..."

"He will be mocked." James promised Remus solemnly. "Oh, how he will be mocked."

After ensuring that Sirius was acutely aware that they were laughing at him - and then refusing to tell him why exactly they were laughing - Lily announced her intentions to go to sleep. She shrugged off James' protests that she should pull an all nighter to avoid the risk of her bung Potion killing her and, after wishing Remus a good night's sleep and smirking at Sirius, disappeared up the stairs. It had been a long day and all she wished to do was snuggle into her warm, comfy bed and drift off with the image of Sirius dancing and singing in her mind.

* * *

_Death Eaters circled the perimeter of a golden net, calling out to Voldemort, asking what to do. She didn't hear what the answer was, it wasn't important. James (but not James, this boy was shorter, skinnier, he had green eyes, her eyes, but the same tousled hair, the same face, but James had never looked so frightened, James had never looked so tired) a boy caught her attention - he clutched his wand tightly in his hands, knuckles white, and he watched her carefully, longingly, he was so young to be so scared. James (the real James, her James) was beside her and he was whispering instructions, the boy was nodding, he looked terrified but determined, he raised his wand, the net winked out of existence and there was a terrible screaming sound and -_

_- the forest rustled around her (it was so quiet, she had never been in a forest so quiet, where were all the animals?), distant thuds and screams sounding in the distance, a boy was before her, he was so painfully young, skinny, pale and scratched, he'd been duelling (why did Potter men insist on duelling every chance they had?) he looked so frightened, so brave. There was an overwhelming urge to comfort him, to reassure him (he was going to be all right, they were all going to be all right). James was beside her, Sirius and Remus too, they were walking, walking towards death but she wasn't afraid. They had almost reached a clearing and - _

_- the baby clutched to her breast was screaming in fear, she was crying, her heart ached, please, please have mercy, there was laughter, high cruel laughter, a flash of green light and then nothing. _


	3. When I Say That Something

_Wednesday June 22, 1977_

_NEWT Level Transfig was definitely a mistake, Lily thought as she began her fifth attempt at Conjuring an armchair. Instead of the cushy chair with rose damask and spindly legs she was envisioning, a lopsided barstool appeared. Lily huffed and glared at it. It promptly collapsed with a loud crash and the class turned to stare at her. Blushing brightly Lily banished the chair to the other side of the classroom, trying to avoid Professor McGonagall's disapproving glare. _

_She sat down in her own fully formed, fully functional, perfect school chair and buried her head in her hands. She was never going to get an Acceptable at this rate, let alone the Outstanding she was aiming for. Even Alice, who studied once in blue moon, had managed to Conjure up a beautiful chair that looked like it belonged in the Royal Palace. She was currently slouched in it, directing people around lazily as she pretended to sip a cup of tea. _

_"Need some help there Evans?" _

_Lily would know that deep, slightly husky from yelling at training all day voice anywhere. Slightly disgusted at the way her heart leapt at the sound of it, she peeked between her fingers to see, as dreaded, James Potter smirking down at her. _

_"Not from you Potter." _

_James chuckled. "Oi, Evans, don't be like that. I'm here to help." _

_"No." Lily responded, straightening up in order to give James the glare he so rightly deserved. "No, you're here to be all smug about how I'm going to fail NEWT's Transfiguration next year while you breeze though with all Outstandings and laugh at me when I'm stuck as a...as a...maid!" _

_"Firstly," James answered after a moment of stunned silence, "what's a maid? Secondly, I'm not here to be _smug_ about you failing Transfig. I'm here to mock you mercilessly for it." He gave Lily his most smug grin. "And then offer you help." He added hastily when Lily's face started to turn red. "Wizard's honour, I'm also here to offer you help. Don't get me wrong," James continued to babble, obviously going for the 'if I keep on talking she can't hex me' approach, "you're dead brilliant in all your other classes Evans, but you're...well you're...well Transfiguration isn't really your best is it?" Lily raised an eyebrow. James swallowed. "Right. Well, anyway. Before you hex me - which I know you're dying to do, don't try to deny it - I was wondering if you'd like me to tutor you. In Transfiguration. So you don't...fail." James added when Lily stared at him in disbelief. "Go on then Evans!" James nudged her shoulder with his knee. "Give it a go. What harm can it do?" _

_A million thoughts were running through her head. Much to her frustration, the one that seemed to be popping up most frequently were the observations on how nice Potter actually smelt or good his hair looked when it was messed up like that at the back. So she said the first thing that came into her head that didn't involve the many charms of James Potter._

_"A maid is someone who washes other people's knickers." James' eyes widened. "And cleans the rest of the house." Lily added, blushing. "And...well I don't want to wash Pureblood's knickers for the rest of my life just because I failed Transfiguration." _

_"Evans, that's ridiculous," James said firmly. "You are not going to end washing other wizard's knickers. They'd never have you, that's what House Elves are for." Lily gave James a look. He ignored this. "So does this mean you'll let me tutor you?"_

_For one horrifying moment Lily actually considered saying yes, but then her good sense prevailed and she remembered that James Potter was on her Never To Be Trusted list, along with his three stupid mates. This, she decided, was entirely too suspicious to be taken at face value. James Potter was never nice for no reason. He had an ulterior motive. And if Lily knew James - which she did - his ulterior motive probably involved her, a secluded classroom and a clumsy attempt at seduction. _

_So instead of saying yes and thanking James for his thoughtful offer, or even instead of declining his offer gently, Lily threw back her head and laughed until she had tears in her eyes. James did not take this well. _

_"Fine." He glared. "Fail Transfiguration then, I don't give a rat's arse. I guess you've always got knicker washing to fall back on as a career if nothing else works out." He stalked back to his friends, shooting once last glare in her direction before ignoring her for the rest of the lesson. _

* * *

December 1, 1977

The next week passed in a blur. Lily spent most of her time avoiding James, who was determined to corner her and convince her to go to Professor Dumbledore again. While she couldn't, unfortunately, avoid him completely she managed to slip away before he had a chance to talk to her in private. She pretended to not notice his dark glares and pointed looks and instead buried herself in her work. NEWT's was approaching far too quickly for Lily's liking, who was more than aware that in order to have a chance at any decent job she would need to achieve perfect marks in all her subjects.

She found herself spending most of her time in the library, with other stressed Muggle-borns, or in her dorms, with Alice and her other year mates. They were not as conducive to studying as Lily would have hoped - they, unlike her, seemed to share the entirely Gryffindor trait of slacking off - and instead of sitting quietly in their beds and studying with her, as she would have liked, they generally made themselves as unuseful as possible by prancing around the dorms, giggling and teasing each other.

Lily finally had enough of their antics when Patricia accidently Charmed Alice's alarm clock to go off every 30 seconds and no one could find the counter charm to stop it. This would have been bad enough, but Alice had already made the clock impervious to Silencing Charms and instead of a normal, every day beeping sound like most alarm clocks it was shrieking "GET UP YOU DAFT BINT, GET UP!"

After watching the other girls frantically try to stop the blasted clock, she slung the book bag over her shoulders and left the dorm room with a huff. Her last view of the room before the door swung shut was Alice trying to throw the offending piece of clockwork out the window. Judging by the muffled screams, that plan had not gone succeeded.

The Common Room - a picture of calm paradise compared to the chaos upstairs - was surprisingly empty for a Saturday night and Lily paused at the bottom of the stairs, suspicious. Instead of the usual revelry, there was a small group of girls huddled around a book, giggling as they turned the pages, an even smaller group of boys playing Gobstones by the fireplace - she considered reminding them that after last year's disaster with the rogue Gobstone they had been banned from all Common Rooms but didn't have the heart - a couple squashed into a cushy armchair and...

James sodding Potter.

Lily froze and swore under her breath. It would be her rotten luck - obviously Llewellyn hadn't Apparated to Blarney Castle yet - that Potter would be downstairs. Without his posse, Lily noted with a frown. That was exceedingly unusual. All ready unsettled by the uncharacteristic silence of the Room, Lily hitched her book bag higher on her shoulder and began to creep towards a secluded table as far away from the fireplace as possible. It was, Lily thought rather disgruntled, impossible to find a corner to hide in in a round room. Once she got to the table she could hide behind her books and hope that James didn't look over in her direction.

She had almost made it and was congratulating herself on her sneaking prowess when Alice came tearing down the stairs, holding the still shrieking alarm clock in front of her like a ticking bomb.

"IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD CAN SOMEONE _PLEASE _MAKE THIS STUPID THING SHUT UP!"

Lily froze as James, moments before blissfully unaware of her existence, peered up from his textbook. He spotted Lily, trying to crouch behind Alice, and frowned, but before he had a chance to say anything Alice shoved the clock in his face.

He recoiled, alarmed. "Please." Alice begged, hair in messy disarray, eyes slightly wild. "It's driving me mad. I'm going to rip out my hair any moment now. I can't take it anymore. Some daft twist charmed this thing to go off every thirty seconds and I can't turn the ruddy thing off and I WILL PERMANENTLY STICK THIS TO YOUR ARSE IF YOU DON'T STOP LAUGHING!' Alice suddenly rounded on a snickering fourth year, who squeaked and looked down at the floor.

Lily tried to take advantage of the ensuing chaos and made a quick get away. She slipped out of the Common Room and took off down the corridor at a brisk walk.

"It will be curfew soon young lady!" The Fat Lady called after her and Lily waved her off.

It seemed that the world enjoyed getting Lily's hopes up before dashing them cruelly to the ground. Like moments before, she thought she had made another smooth getaway and was congratulating herself on her quick thinking when she heard someone - a rather unwanted someone - shout out her name. She lowered her head and determinedly sped up. If she made it to the Prefect's bathroom she could disappear in there and he wouldn't be able to follow -

"Lily!" James' hand fell on her shoulder and she sighed. "Didn't you hear me calling your name?"

"Nope!" Lily said brightly. "I must have gone temporarily deaf, how funny."

James gave her a look and crossed his arms over his chest. "You've been avoiding me."

"No I haven't." Lily lied.

"You're lying."

"No I'm not." Lily lied again.

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"You are!"

"I'm not!"

Lily was starting to get indignant despite herself. Who was he to accuse her of lying? Ok, she might actually be lying, but he should take her word for it. A gentleman never doubts a lady's word. When she told James this in her primmest tone, he snorted.

"Yeah, that would apply if you were actually a lady Evans."

Lily scowled. James smirked.

"Well," she said airily, "as much fun as this has been, I really must be off, I have an important date with a Charms textbook."

"Oh no you don't." James grabbed a hold of her arm before she could scamper away. "You _have _been avoiding me, don't try to deny it, and you aren't going to escape this time. We are going talking about what happened in Potions on Friday. Now." He lowered his eyebrows and glared at her in what she supposed was meant to be a threatening manner. His slightly lopsided glasses ruined the effect.

"Fine." Lily said with a hefty sigh. "Where did you want to talk?"

James' look of irritation disappeared and he winked at her. "I know a good place we can go but I don't think we'd get much _talking_ done..." He yelped when Lily punched his arm and glared at him. "Merlin woman, there's no need to get violent." The irritated expression resurfaced. "Let's just find an empty classroom."

"Oh because _that_ won't look suspicious at all." She rolled her eyes but followed him anyway as he set off at a brisk walk. "I've been on enough patrols to know what people get up to in empty classrooms. Oh, I have a brilliant idea; let's head up to the Astronomy Tower, that's innocent enough. No one could possibly get the wrong idea if they saw us in there."

James shot her a look over his shoulder that clearly said "Shut up." Lily smirked.

Before too long James had managed to find, not only an empty classroom, but what appeared to be the only classroom not used since the 12th century. Lily sneezed and cleaned off one of the desks with a wave of her wand. Slightly disgusted by the amount of dust that disappeared, she gingerly sat on the edge of the desk, peering up at James. "Well you've got me alone now." She peeked at him from under her eyelashes, imitating Greta Catchlove, possibly the biggest flirt in all of Hogwarts. "What do you plan on doing with me?"

"That isn't funny Evans. Stop trying to distract me."

"Is it working?" Lily said in her breathiest tone, catching her lower lip in her teeth.

"If you're not going to let me snog you," he snapped, "stop that immediately."

Lily was horrified to admit that she actually considered letting James snog her - the idea was certainly appealing enough - but she gave herself a mental slap. Yes, he was incredibly good looking. Yes, he was incredibly adorable with his lopsided glasses (she had to wonder if he even knew they were that way). Yes, he was incredibly sweet and funny and charming. Yes, it was becoming increasingly stupid to deny that she fancied him it was so obviously a lie. But that didn't mean she was going to let him have her way with her in a dusty unused classroom before they'd even really become friends. No matter how much she wanted to. No matter how appealing he looked. No matter much she wanted to find out if the rumours about him were true...

"Stop staring at my mouth Evans."

Lily snapped out of her daze and blushed. James was watching her carefully, eyebrow quirked. "I wasn't staring at your mouth," she denied hotly. "Are you going to tell me what you wanted or not?"

James studied her for a moment longer before rolling his eyes. "Yes. We're going to talk about the Potions Incident. I told you. Lily, I warned you that if anything happened I would go straight to Dumbledore." Lily opened her mouth to protest but James cut her off. "You could have died! What if it hadn't been a Dreamless Sleep potion? What if something permanent had happened? Mulciber didn't even get a slap on the wrist, the smug bastard."

"But I didn't die." Lily pointed out. "Nothing odd happened at all." An unsettling image of a dark graveyard flitted across her mind but she dismissed it. "And of course Mulciber didn't receive any punishment; he's a Pureblood 7th year Slytherin Prefect. You're being stupid."

"I'm being stupid?" James spluttered. "You're the one who's refusing to take a very important, possibly life threatening situation to Dumbledore because of some misguided sense of Gryffindor pride."

"I'm not having this argument with you again Potter!" Lily shouted, the familiar hot bubbling anger growing in her stomach. "I'm not a child, you can't order me around."

The conversation quickly deteriorated after that and Lily, fifteen minutes later, found herself storming down the empty corridors, muttering under her breath. James, after making several inarticulate sounds of rage, had already stalked out of the classroom.

He is _insufferable_, she fumed, treating me like I'm a child, like I can't make my own decisions. Oh look at the poor Muggle-born, she doesn't understand how dangerous the Wizarding World can be.

It was a quicker journey to Gryffindor Tower than she expected and before she knew it Lily was standing before the Fat Lady. "Cornish Pixies." Lily snaps before the Fat Lady could ask and the portrait swung open. She ignores the Fat Lady's mutters about children who have no respect for portraits anymore and clambers through the hole. James is slouching in a chair, surrounded by his mates, glaring darkly into the fireplace. Lily makes her way across the room refusing to look in his direction.

As she slides into bed, hot tears prickling behind her eyes, she is determined that tomorrow will be a better day. Even if it means not talking to Potter again.

* * *

_Evans. _

_I know you've been avoiding me again, I'm not stupid. We need to talk. _

_JP_

_P_

_You are as delusional as you are daft if you think I'm going to talk to you. _

_L_

_Evans_

_Stop being a prat. This is important. _

_DADA is also important. I can't take notes if I'm writing them to you. Leave me alone._

_Please Evans, don't give me that shite. You don't need to take notes in DADA, you're brilliant at this subject._

_Potter, I'm not falling for your obvious attempts at flattery. Leave me alone. _

_Merlin. You are such a girl. Are you going to ignore me for all eternity now? _

_That is the plan._

_It's about your patrol with Mulciber tonight. You are more delusional and daft than I am if you think that I'm letting you wander the castles with him. _

_You can't "let me" do anything Potter. Now will you bugger off so I can do some work! _

_James, this is Alice. As much as I understand (and fully support) your uncontrollable urges to woo our fair Lily, she's turning increasingly red in the face over here and I think you had better leave her alone if you value your life. Or certain parts of your anatomy, if you know what I mean. And I think you do._

* * *

Despite James' many attempts to tell her otherwise, Lily was waiting for Mulciber at the Great Hall at the appointed time. James had followed her around all day, giving her pointed looks and trying to pull her away from her group of friends to talk to her about it. After he had pestered her with notes all through Defense Against the Dark Arts and she was forced to flee from lunch because she spotted him bearing down at her, Lily had finally snapped during Potions and flung a half cut up spleen at his head.

James was now refusing to talk to her and relayed, via Patricia, that if Lily wanted to go and get herself killed then she was welcome to because he didn't bloody care anymore.

Thank God, was all Lily had to say to that, and she squashed the small twinge of guilt she felt at the look on his face. She knew that he was right. She knew that it was beyond foolish to patrol with Mulciber alone when he had never been backwards about expressing his hatred towards her. Her misplaced sense of Gryffindor pride, as James had so aptly put it however, would not let her admit this to him, let alone back out of the patrol tonight.

She glanced at her watch for the third time in the past minute and stifled an impatient sigh. She wanted to get the stupid patrol over and done with so she could go back to the Common Room. Despite her protests otherwise, she was terrified. She knew that she was a powerful witch and could certainly hold her own against most people in this school, but Mulciber...there was something not right about him. Of all Sev's friends, he had been the one she disliked the most. She shivered and stamped her feet trying to get warm. Just when she was about to give up and start patrolling on her own - a small part of her hadn't expected him to show anyway - the boy appeared from the direction of the Slytherin dungeons.

Lily straightened and waited for him, arms crossed over her chest. "You're late." She snapped.

Mulciber looked her up and down lazily and raised one eyebrow. "Not by my watch."

"Well your watch is wrong."

The boys eyes hardened and his lip curled in disdain. "You're not seriously trying to compare your Mudblood watch to mine?"

"Five points from Slytherin." Lily glared. "I've warned you about using that word before."

Mulciber gazed at her steadily, eyes narrowed slightly. Lily glared back at him defiantly. She almost wished that he would give her an excuse to hex him, it would be so satisfying to wipe that smug smirk right off his face. "Let's get this over with." Mulciber said and Lily relaxed slightly. "I don't want to...expose...myself to you more than necessary."

Ignoring this barb, Lily strode off towards the stairs, not waiting to see if he followed her. After a moments hesitation she heard him start up the stairs behind her. They patrolled the second and third floors in silence, Mulciber always a step behind her and uncomfortably close. Sometimes Lily could have sworn she felt something brush against her hair or against her back and after this had happened several times she spun around to find Mulciber gazing at her expressionlessly. She gave him a warning glare and strode off again, shivering despite herself.

The mandatory three hours passed agonizingly slow and Lily was exhausted by the time it was over. She had been tense and nervous the entire time, jumping whenever he got to close, waiting to feel something brush against her again. They had found almost no one outside of their dorms - news of a Death Eater attack on a small town in Bristol had put a damper on most of the students moods - and Lily was relieved to be able to finally say to Mulciber; "Patrols over Mulciber. Don't forget me have a Prefect's meeting next week."

She didn't bother waiting for a response and turned to head towards the 7th floor. She was just imagining how blissful it would be to be able to curl in front of the fireplace and read a book when she found herself shoved against the wall. Swallowing a scream, Lily reached for her wand but her wrist was grabbed before she could find it and she looked up into Mulciber's flinty eyes. He slammed himself against her, forcing a leg in-between hers, pinning her against the wall.

"You should treat me with more respect," he hissed, squeezing her wrist painfully. Lily bit back a whimper as her bones ground together. "You should be doing all you can to get me on your good side Mudblood, because when the Dark Lord takes over, you'll be put in your rightful place." He ran his free hand slowly up her thigh. "On the ground with your legs spread. If you're nice to me, I might ask to have you for myself." His hand continued to travel up her body and Lily, frozen in horror moments earlier, started to struggle frantically against him but he was too big. She felt as if the air was being crushed from her chest. Mulciber grinned. "Struggle harder." He whispered in her ear, breath hot against her face. "I like it." His hand brushed fleetingly over her breasts and then the suffocating weight was gone and he was walking away from her, hands stuffed nonchalantly in his pockets.

Lily slumped against the wall, shaking. She could smell Mulciber all over her, feel his breath against her face. She shuddered and a tear slipped down her cheek. Her mind was blank, except for an overwhelming sense of horror at what had happened...what had almost happened...he had _touched _her...she had been completely useless. Part of her wanted to march straight to Professor Dumbledore and tell him what had happened and a part of her cringed at the thought of anyone knowing.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed before she took a deep shuddering breath and pulled herself to her feet. She tidied her robes and hair and made her way back to Gryffindor Tower, all thoughts of curling up in front of the fireplace and reading gone.

When she clambered through the portrait hole she noticed dimly that James was lying on the couch. He sat up as soon as he saw her and asked where she had been but she walked past him without meeting his gaze and went straight into the shower.

She wasn't sure she could ever feel clean again.

* * *

The next morning passed in a blur for Lily. She remembered getting up for class and talking and laughing like normal with her mates. She remembered, vaguely, that she attended classes and would later find the notes she'd taken without realising. She remembered that James was still trying to get her alone. She remembered, vividly, that Mulciber had brushed past her again in Potions and she'd spilt Armadillo Bile across her desk. He smirked and walked away before she had a chance to even blink, and for one small second she glared at his retreated back, envisioning just how satisfying it would be to punch his smug face.

Her eyes drifted towards James face and she was startled to see him watching her intently, eyes narrowed slightly. She scowled at him and with a toss of her hair turned her back on him, cleaning up the mess and continuing with her Potion. Her mind continuously went back to what happened last night, the way he felt pushed up against her, how powerless she had been, how his hands had left dark purple bruises around her wrist. They were covered by her cloak and, for once grateful it was winter, Lily didn't bother with glamour Charms to hide them. The more she dwelt on it the angrier she became, horror and disgust turning into a deep burning rage that made her stomach clench. Now determined more than ever to take care of this on her own, desperate to prove to herself that she wasn't a pathetic damsel in distress, Lily resolved that she would never take this to Dumbledore. She had flirted with the idea all day, swinging from one decision to another but it wasn't going to happen now. Now her biggest problem was making sure that James Potter didn't take matters into his own hands.

It was when she was on her way to dinner when it happened. She had spent the rest of the day making sure that James saw her happy and laughing and generally acting as normal as possible. Judging by the suspicious glances he was sending her way, he hadn't believed a second of it, but Lily determinedly carried on with the act, missing the dark looks her girlfriends were giving each other behind her back. None of the girls had been asleep when Lily came back from patrols and, already concerned when she drifted into the room looking like a ghost, were even more worried when she then spent almost one hour in the shower. When asked what was wrong, Lily had brushed them off and clambered into bed without meeting their eyes. Her strange behaviour had continued right up until Potions where she snapped out of her daze and started her even odder behaviour of giggling loudly and forcibly at anything anyone said.

One minute Lily was walking down to the Great Hall congratulating herself on acting relatively normal for the latter half of the day and the next she was being pulled through a wall and into a dimly lit corridor. Her wand, not far from her hand all day, was whipped out and pointing at the perpetrator within seconds. _Not again, _her mind shrieked, _not this time. _A particularly nasty hex died on her lips when her eyes fell on a very annoyed James Potter rolled her eyes at her.

"Merlin Evans, put your bloody wand away. I'm not going to maul you."

Her heart continued to pound in her chest as her mind scrambled to catch up with what she was seeing. _Not Mulciber_ she thought in relief and she lowered her wand slightly. Her fear rapidly turned into anger. "Potter! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

James narrowed his eyes at her. "No. You've been avoiding me - again. Keep this up and I'll begin to think you don't like me." His cheeky grin faded when Lily continued to glare at him. "Who pissed in your pumpkin juice Evans?"

"No one!" Lily snapped, crossing her arms across her chest. "Why are you constantly harassing me? And where are we?" She demanded before James could answer her first question. She had finally noticed that they weren't in a classroom as she at first assumed and where instead in a dank narrow hallway. To her left it continued until disappearing behind a slight curve, and to her right she saw, with faint surprise, the hazy outline of a statue she thought might have been outside of the Transfiguration classrooms.

"It doesn't matter." He said dismissively. "You've been acting like a right bitch to me since Friday." He paused and shook his head. "Before then actually. Are you going to tell me why you think it's ok to stomp around school glaring at me for breathing or are you going to keep on acting like a spoilt brat?"

"I don't have time for this!" Lily tried to push her way past James but he was so tall that all he had to do was hold his arms out and she couldn't get past. She tried to duck under his arms but he stopped her easily. She fell back and resisted the urge to scream. "Let me go."

"Tell me what's wrong." He said stubbornly.

"YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG ALL RIGHT?" Lily exploded, face turning red. She felt a twinge of guilt at the expression on James' face but was so tired and angry at _everything_ that she just didn't care anymore. "Constantly nagging me about going to Professor Dumbledore and watching me all the time, following me around and...and..." Her breath hitched and a small part of her was screaming to stop it, stop it right now because James was only trying to help in his very annoying way, but all she could think about was how _furious _she was at Mulciber and how she couldn't anything about it and here was a willing target ready to be lashed out at. He was looking at her with a mixture of shock, disbelief, hurt and anger and Lily felt her heart constrict. Tears stung at her eyes and her anger fled as quickly as it had surfaced. "I'll just go this way then." Lily muttered and spun on her heel, intending to follow the corridor until she reached its other exit.

"Lily, wait."

Before she had taken two steps James grabbed her wrist, his fingers tightening around the bruises left by Mulciber. She let out a hiss of pain and tried to tug her wrist out of his grip but James wouldn't let her go. He slipped his hand up along her arm so he wasn't holding her where it hurt and pushed her sleeve back, revealing the mottled purple bruising.

James stared at her wrist, expression darkening. "What's this Lily?"

"What does it look like?" Lily muttered, not meeting James' eyes.

James grip tightened before relaxing. "Who did this to you?" When Lily didn't answer immediately, his scowl darkened. "Lily. Who did this to you?" Lily stayed silent. "It was Mulciber wasn't it?" Lily started and then shook her head. "I'm not completely thick, Lily, and it doesn't take a genius to work this one out." He gazed at her wrist for what felt like forever and then dropped her arm with a sigh. "Come on then." He slung an arm around Lily's shoulders, drawing her towards him. "Let's go get some grub in you."

Lily ignored the little burst of excitement from having James' arm around her shoulder and frowned. "You're not going to...I don't know...rush off and do something stupid?"

Lily didn't miss the slight flush that appeared on James' cheeks but he met her eyes squarely and said; "Don't be daft Evans. You've only spent the past two weeks yelling about how much you can take care of yourself. Why would I go and fight your battle for you?" He raised an eyebrow.

Lily gaped at James as he gently steered her out of the passageway and back into the brightly lit Second Floor corridor. "That's...that's a really mature thing to say." And a completely non James Potter thing to say. "You're really not going to go hex Mulciber silly?"

James snorted. "Why would I do that? I'm sure you've got this situation all under control, right Evans?"

Lily blinked. "I...suppose?"

"Brilliant!" James exclaimed, dropping his arm from her shoulders. Like the initial burst of excitement, Lily ignored the stab of disappointment as the warmth of his arm disappeared. "I meant to ask you yesterday actually, but you were avoiding me as usual, did you have any trouble with Flitwick's essay on Substantative Charms?"

He continued talking to her about school work until they reached Gryffindor table, where he squeezed her cheeks rather painfully, winked and pranced over to where his mates were sitting.

Lily watched him leave, still slightly befuddled by the past fifteen minutes. She gave her head a little shake and sat down next to Mary and Patricia, pulling a bowl of mash potato towards her. She was suddenly ravenous, after not being hungry all day.

"Going into hibernation are we?" Patricia said as Lily poured peas onto her plate. "You know can you always dish up more if you're still hungry."

"Shut up." Lily mumbled through a mouthful of food. "I'm hungry ok?"

"Really?" Mary said dryly. "If today is any indication of how you act when you don't eat…please. Make sure you eat all the time."

Lily froze mid chew. "What do you mean?"

Patricia scrunched her nose up. "Swallow before speaking, goodness."

Lily rolled her eyes but obediently swallowed. "What do you mean?" she repeated.

"I mean," Mary answered, "you've been acting oddly all day. First you were walking around like an Inferi. Then you start laughing at everything? Even Patricia's lame jokes?" She ignored a faint "hey!" from Patricia. "Something is wrong."

"There's not." Lily said, grabbing a pitcher of pumpkin juice. "I promise, there's nothing wrong."

Mary looked skeptical, but much to Lily's relief, began describing in intense detail exactly how bangable Tristran Finch looked tonight.

It wasn't until she was clambering into bed later that night that she realised she hadn't seen Alice all day.

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys! Like I said in the first chapter, I've decided to resurrect this old bag of bones from the grave and try to finish it off I've gone through and done some re-editing of the chapters – not a lot has changed in the first two, but careful readers might notice that the last scene of this chapter has been extended. This was only because I really wasn't happy with the fourth chapter and thus had to change the third chapter a little bit I'm starting the fourth chapter from scratch, but should hopefully have it up by this Saturday at the latest, maybe even a little earlier, how exciting!


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